For those of you on the West Coast planning to settle in for a night of poll watching, here are poll closing times tomorrow (3/4) (all times given PST):
Vermont: 4:00pm (polls close 7:00pm EST)
Ohio: 4:30pm (polls close 7:30pm EST)
Rhode Island: 6:00pm (polls close 9:00pm EST)
Texas: Most polls close 5:00pm (7:00pm CST), but polls in El Paso area close at 6:00pm (7:00pm MST). It is not clear whether precinct results will be made availalbe to the press from any precinct before all polls close. Caucuses continue starting at 7:15pm local time.
What I expect to see:
4:00pm - Vermont will be "called" for Obama (Obama people, have a glass of Bordeaux or a perrier).
5:00pm - CNN will examine Vermont exit polls to see if they can determine anything other than that it is a very small, very liberal state.
6:00pm - Rhode Island will be "called" for Clinton (Clinton people, pop open the Blue Ribbon).
7:00pm - Ohio will still be "too close to call" (Obama folks, order takeout Thai food; Clinton folks, continue to eat your leftover hotdish or senior citizen MREs)
8:00pm - Texas will be "too close to call", and results for caucuses will be trickling in until midnight (Obama folks, turn down the plasma so the neighbors can sleep. Clinton folks: nighty-night).
8:30pm - the Clinton candidacy will be declared "not dead." Obama will be declared "the near-certain nominee." None of this contradiction will bother anyone.
8:33pm - Someone talks about McCain for two minutes
8:35pm - Huckabee announces his home planet
9:00pm - Wolf Blitzer and John King will start making out, just to see if anyone is still watching
9:15pm - Keith Olbermann begins a multi-clause sentence
9:20pm - Keith Olbermann concludes sentence; leaves modifier dangling anyway.
9:30pm - Keith Olbermann still looks very earnest
10:00pm - Donna Shalala will finally get to speak
10:30pm - Microphone successfully wrested from Donna Shalala
11:00pm - Exit pollers in Texas will realize for the first time that Obama is Spanish for "none of your damned business."
11:30pm - Youtube of caucus in Dallas shows woman beating Clinton supporter over head with a Nieman-Marcus bag.
Midnight - John Edwards will be spotted at an all-night drug store.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Electoral Nachos
Posted by The Law Talking Guy at 1:32 PM
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3 comments:
Hilarious post, LTG!! I shall have to pick up a six-pack of Pabst and a Hungry Man for tomorrow night. (More likely, a stiff drink while I watch my chosen candidate's campaign die at the Alamo.)
Your description of Blitzer, Olbermann, etc. reminds me why the only returns I allow myself to watch these days are the ones I obtain by pressing the "refresh" button.
The Ohio version of Pabst would be something like Rolling Rock (from Pennsylvania but still popular) or Hudepohl which from Cincinatti and, as I remember about the cheapest beer you can get at a United Dairy Farmers. UDF is like a regional version of 7-11.
Oh, and HILARIOUS post!
Now THIS little lot would make me pay a lot more attention to US political news shows (other than the Daily Show, to which I am addicted anyway).
Love it LTG :-)
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